” I want you to show me the depths of my heart, the caverns of my soul, the parts inside of me that I never knew existed, the parts I would otherwise run away from.” This is the prayer I prayed before my trip. I didn’t want to hold anything back. I wanted the Lord to expose me in my nakedness, to reveal to me the dark parts of my heart, to show me His love. Tonight He did. As the night fell and everything was settling with it, my heart raced. I knew I needed to talk with my Dad. I had something burdening my heart and He was waiting for me to spill it. I don’t always feel worthy, mostly I have feelings of doubt. Doubt that I can do anything big because I am not smart enough. Today that resurfaced. As I sat there waiting for God to speak, many things were running through my mind. I was thinking about how much I want to know Him, how much I crave His wisdom and understanding, He then just told me to be still.
I can assure you that the Holy Spirit was in the room. He moved me to turn on music. ” Here I am, down on my knees again surrendering all surrendering all..” I began to weep. Each tear was a brick being removed from the giant wall I had built. God was smothering me in His love. He beckoned me to dance with Him. I was dancing with my Abba. He had me so close to His heart. All I could say was that I wanted nothing else, nothing more than Him. Tonight He called me beautiful, He called me worthy, a daughter who is going to do great things. He said that these hands will do so much for His kingdom. He grabbed hold of my face and caressed it while tears streamed down. Then He shared this verse with me, “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death-even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:6-8
I will do whatever you need, even if I have to die for it. I am smart enough because you live inside of me. It is not by my own strength but by yours alone. This dance was the best father daughter dance I’ve had in a long time.
